


The Fairground Holds No Sway

by Nadja_Lee



Series: Let's Talk About Alec [8]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Fluff, Healing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Protective Magnus Bane, Protective Siblings, Romance, Supportive Magnus Bane, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:53:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Alec finally takes a stand against his parents, thanks to the love and support Magnus gives him.Later Magnus sees that Alec is dealing with low self-esteem and is considering harming himself. They talk, Magnus confesses his unending love and they plan for the future; together.A lot of Malec fluff in this one.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Let's Talk About Alec [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606735
Comments: 62
Kudos: 963





	1. Closing One Chapter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Humanity_Strongest_001](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_Strongest_001/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finally takes a stand against his parents, thanks to the love and support Magnus gives him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.  
> Gifted to FallenAngel_666 who let me know she loved this series and was eagerly waiting for more.  
> Chapter warnings: Talk of abuse, moving on, punishment.  
> 

_Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings_

Thanks so much to Regina Danica Villa Bibit for the amazing series banner.  


# Chapter 1: Closing One Chapter

Imogen had been true to her word and the former Circle members were given a proper trial this time around; including Maryse and Robert. Alec had witnessed some of the trial with emotional detachment, unsure how to deal with it all. As expected, a vote of guilty came in regarding the crimes they had committed while in the Circle. It was customary that Shadowhunters convicted of such serious crimes could ask that someone speak for them regarding the sentencing. Alec thought they would ask a friend or maybe Max. They would know not to ask Jace; he had cut all ties with them as soon as he had found out about Alec. They would know not to ask Izzy; she had given them a piece of her mind and then never looked back. Alec had not talked with them again after he had moved in with Magnus. He had thought that not having contact with them would be enough but their words still echoed in his mind like an unfinished book.

Every day as Magnus loved him, offered him support and a safe place to be, he understood more and more that the love his parents had offered him had never been love at all. And yet, despite everything, a part of him still cared for them or at least felt like he should care because they were his parents.

A few weeks after he had taken Jace’s punishment, Alec had been at the Institute when a video call had come in for him. He had taken it in an empty meeting room. He was surprised to see Jia, who had been prosecuting the Circle members, appear on the screen. He could just about see Robert and Maryse sitting behind her, both looking stoic and unreadable. Just seeing his parents again made him feel nervous and uneasy but he fought it down.

“Alexander Lightwood, your parents have asked that you speak with them regarding their sentencing,” Jia informed him in a formal tone.

“Me?” Alec asked surprised.

Jia nodded as she confirmed, “Yes.”

“Why me?” Alec asked confused. A part of him couldn’t help but hope it was because maybe they would apologize or….or say they were proud of him for fighting for change and equality with the Downworld. He knew it was silly; it would never happen. He still wanted it to happen though.

“Robert and Maryse, what do you wish to say?” Jia asked as she waved them over and stepped out of view of the screen.

Robert and Maryse sat by the screen and Maryse gave him a small and controlled smile.

“Alec, we figured you would be the most reasonable to do this,” Maryse began to say. “This Circle business was ages ago. It is ridiculous to bring it up now.”

So, that was why they had asked for him; to try and get him to downplay the suffering of the Downworld. His heart sank but his anger on behalf of the Downworld won over his sorrow at this being why they had asked for him.

“The Downworld deserve the justice they never got back then,” Alec said, his eyes and voice hardening, fighting to breathe normally, to stay focused, to not let his feelings surface.

“Well, maybe a corporal punishment then?” Maryse suggested hopefully.

“What punishment are they talking about for you?” Alec asked, fighting not to betray his emotions but inside he was screaming at her; corporal punishment for being a part of an organization that had murdered so many innocents was insulting and frankly racist against all Downworlders; as if their lives had so little value.

“Deruning or death,” Robert replied darkly.

“And of those two what would you prefer?” Alec questioned, fighting for an even and calm tone.

“Death. Being deruned is a disgrace no proper Shadowhunter could ever live with!” Robert insisted strongly.

“I am sure we can find a way to avoid either. Right, Alec?” Maryse insisted with that mixture of strength, care, push and pull, he knew so well.

“Would you also prefer death in that case, mother?” Alec asked her, making sure his voice and expression didn’t betray his feelings.

“Well, yes but we are your parents. Surely we can work something out,” Maryse maintained.

“Is that why you really called me? You thought I would put in a good word with the Downworld? With Magnus? To ask for a milder sentence?” Alec asked in a deadly calm voice.

“Look, that Warlock is just using you. We are your parents. We know what’s best for you. We take care of you,” Maryse reminded him in a voice that had a hint of warning in it, said with her usual mix of warmth and strength.

“By punishing me? Telling me I am never good enough? Is that how you take care of you?” Alec asked in a low and dangerous voice, fighting to keep his breathing even. Years of repressed emotions bubbled to the surface and he finally said what he had never said to them before.

“We were making you strong,” Robert insisted, unfazed by the anger in Alec’s voice.

Alec shook his head, his rage and pain now finally showing on his face as he said sharply, “No. You didn’t. You made me hate myself.” He paused before he went on in a strong tone and his whole expression softened at just thinking about the Warlock, “Magnus makes me strong.”

“Alec, listen to me. You will stop this nonsense at once and….” Maryse insisted sharply, a hint of fear in her eyes now.

“No, mother,” Alec interrupted her sharply, his emotions so strong his hands were shaking but thankfully they were not in view of the screen. “I won’t stop and I won’t listen to you. Not anymore.”

“Alec, you have to understand…” Robert began in a firm tone.

“I don’t have to understand anything,” Alec interrupted him. He took an anguished breath as he said, “You asked for me because you thought you could manipulate me, control me. That I was weak.”

“Alec, we….” Maryse started to say.

“No!” Alec said firmly, shaking his head, making her fall silent. He knew what his decision was; he knew what to do now.

“Jia, I have made my decision,” Alec said in a dark tone.

Jia moved the screen so she was in view again.

“Yes, Alexander?”

“My wish is that you derune them and dump them somewhere in the Mundane world,” Alec said ominously, his eyes shining with pain and rage.

“Very well. I shall inform the Council sentencing them that this is your wish,” Jia said. She paused before she added, “The Clave will also contact you soon regarding your future role. Changing the Accords means more interaction with the Downworld and you would be well suited to play a key role on the front lines to facilitate that change.”

“I would happily do that,” Alec agreed with a smile, happy for the opportunity.

“Alexander, what have you done?” Maryse said in a low and pained voice off screen.

Jia turned the screen so Alec could again see his parents. Robert just looked angry and frustrated. Maryse looked truly puzzled and pained.

“I have done something I should have done a long time ago but first now, after meeting Magnus, can I do it. I am setting myself free from you both,” Alec said strongly. He paused as he added, “If deruning is what you fear the most then that’s what you should get. I hope by getting you both out of my sight and out of my life I can start to erase the stain you put on my soul.”

“Alexander, we love you. We always loved you,” Maryse insisted feverishly.

Alec shook his head sadly, as he admitted something he had come to realize had always been true, “No. You never did.”

With that, Alec shut off the video feed and just sat in the office for a few moments, trying to calm down and make his hands stop shaking. He had done it; finally. He had told them off; he had allowed himself to be angry with them. Magnus would be proud of him; he had said again and again since he had moved into the loft with him that it was ok for him to be angry with his parents. That it was ok to feel betrayed by them. That he didn’t owe them anything just because they were his parents.

Magnus had told him he should always just say if he needed him but he was still hesitant to do so; he didn’t want to be a burden. Still, he felt shaken by what he had just done and knew Magnus’ love would be able to calm him. He hesitated for a moment before he took out his phone and sent a message to Magnus before he chickened out.

‘Are you busy?’

Alec told himself Magnus was of course busy; he had important things to do. He wouldn’t check his phone till later. For all Magnus knew this was a normal workday for him.

With seconds the phone made a sound and Alec hopefully looked at the new message.

‘I always have time for you, Alexander. Do you want to meet?’

Alec felt warmth spread all over his body and he smiled. Magnus seemed to always know what he needed without him even having to say it. How lucky had he been to find someone as amazing as this?

‘If it’s not a bother’

‘You are never a bother, Alexander. I can meet you back at the loft in 30 minutes’

‘Ok. See you then. Thanks’

‘Thank you for contacting me and letting me be there for you’

Alec was smiling widely after reading Magnus’ messages and realized he was no longer shaking and his breathing had calmed down. He finished what work he couldn’t leave till tomorrow and left to go see Magnus. When Alec arrived back at the loft Magnus was already there. Magnus simply smiled warmly at him and opened his arms and they just hugged for a very long time. Then Alec talked and cried and expressed his anger, his pain, his rage….his feeling of unfairness that he had never been able to get the love and respect from his parents he had always wanted. Magnus had listed to it all with patience and understanding. Magnus had talked a bit about his own complicated relationship to his parents and they had connected on an entirely new level. The day had been exhausting but a personal triumph for Alec in his struggle to move on and heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback and kudos would mean the world to me.


	2. Starting A New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus sees that Alec is dealing with low self-esteem and is considering harming himself. They talk, Magnus confesses his unending love and they plan for the future; together.  
> A lot of Malec fluff in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to Monochromatize and Cindy for great beta work as always.  
> Chapter warnings: Talk of self-harm

_Please read chapter notes for chapter warnings_

**Chapter 2: Starting A New Life**

Six months passed by quickly. Magnus had never felt so protective towards anyone before in his life; he had never loved anyone that fiercely before. Alec was unique; he had had lovers who needed protection before. He had had warrior lovers before who wanted to protect him. Alec was both; he needed protection and yet he would stand with his body as a shield before Magnus any day of the week. He was the strongest person Magnus knew and yet also the most fragile.

The first three months both Jace and Izzy had stayed at the loft all the time and had mothered Alec at home and at work to such an extent, Alec had begged Magnus to find a solution before he murdered them. Therefore, he had conjured up two apartments next to his own with similar layouts and connecting doors so that one of the flats could be entered from his corridor and the other through a door in his study. That way they could close the doors for privacy or open them and thus connect all three flats. Izzy had been the first one to occasionally use her own flat and slowly, little by little, Jace had followed suit – helped along by Magnus more or less installing Clary firmly in the flat he had conjured for his lover’s parabatai.

Izzy and Jace still had their rooms at Magnus’ loft but increasingly they stayed in their own flats; with the connecting doors often being open. Magnus loved it as he hated being alone, Alec loved having them near without being **that** near and Izzy and Jace loved that they could be close to Alec while also having their own lives. It worked perfectly for them all.

Magnus was in a good mood today but then to be fair he was always in a good mood lately. Ever since he had started seeing Alec. The Shadowhunter always managed to amaze and surprise him. He had a brilliant strategic mind, he was a great leader and yet while he could be firm, decisive and self-sacrificing to a fault as a leader then as a boyfriend he was attentive, sweet, giving yet also often uncertain and afraid of doing something wrong. Magnus was working hard to help him gain more confidence in all aspects of his life but he was up against a lifetime of Alec feeling inadequate so it was not a quick fix.

Today Alec had arrived home earlier than Magnus as he had a meeting with the other Downworld leaders. The Downworld had gotten all their demands from Idris; in no small way thanks to Alec’s strong and intelligent political maneuvering. Imogen had become leader of the Clave and she had, obviously, made her grandson the new High Inquisitor. Jace was not too happy with that but Alec had convinced him that it was a great opportunity to further the political agenda he had so Jace had stayed and had supported whatever Alec needed his parabatai to support. Alec had remained Head of the Institute in New York and sat as the Shadowhunter representative on the Global Shadow World Council he had helped establish. The Council had a representative from all the races in the Shadow World and Magnus, as leader of the Downworld, was the leader of the Council as the power and size of the Downworld far outweighed the power from Idris. Alec had had to do a lot of convincing to make Idris understand that this was the only way the Council could ever be considered fair and just.

Magnus exited the portal he had created in the living room, a smile on his lips, looking forward to seeing his angel again. His smile faded when he saw Alec standing in the kitchen, standing still, almost like in a trance. Magnus frowned as he walked closer, wondering what he was focusing so intensely on. Alec didn’t seem to register him; he was looking at the small knife he was holding, both of his hands raised, the knife having stopped close to his left wrist.

“Darling?” Magnus asked softly, quietly, not wanting to startle him as he entered the kitchen and came up beside him.

He could see Alec had been in the middle of cooking. During their time together Alec had discovered he enjoyed cooking and he was getting good at it. He had been cutting vegetables with the knife, the cutting board and the half cut vegetables still on the board. There was a bottle of red wine opened, a half filled glass by his side and classical music was playing. It looked like things had been going well until they hadn’t.

Magnus carefully, afraid to frighten him, touched Alec’s nearest bicep lightly.

Alec blinked a few times and tried to focus on him as if he was unsure he was really there.

“Hmm?” Alec asked with a confused look.

“Darling, are you alright?” Magnus asked softly, worried.

“Oh. Oh, yes. Of course,” Alec assured him quickly, too quickly, nodding.

“Would you then mind if I take the knife?” Magnus asked in a level tone, still careful not to spook him, reached out a hand for the knife but not trying to take it.

“Knife?” Alec repeated before he noticed he was indeed holding it. He handed it over handle first with an embarrassed blush.

Magnus took the knife with a reassuring smile and put it into the sink while Alec downed the rest of his red wine to try and pull himself together.

“Come, darling,” Magnus said softly as he came back to him, putting a hand on his back and guiding him out of the kitchen and over to the sofa.

Magnus sat them down on the sofa and put an arm around Alec’s shoulders, pulling him down so his head was lying on his shoulder. They sat like that for a while with Magnus stroking his hair and Alec put his arms around Magnus midriff as well as he could. With anyone else it would have been uncomfortable sitting like this but to them it felt nice and safe.

“Sorry,” Alec mumbled embarrassed, blushing, when he finally lifted his head and looked at Magnus.

Magnus stroked his cheek tenderly as he said, “You have nothing to say sorry about.”

“I…” Alec started to say but then looked away, his voice dying out.

“What, darling?” Magnus encouraged.

Alec shook his head as he kept avoiding his gaze, “Nothing.”

Magnus took a hand under his chin and tipped his face up so he could see his eyes, could see the love and care there.

“Please, don’t shut me out when things get tough. Talk to me, please,” Magnus pleaded softly.

Alec fought with himself for a moment but Magnus looked so sincere, so real in his love and care for him that Alec folded.

“I was thinking about things. Bad things. Remembering….It made me....I was considering…” Alec said softly, quietly, blushing furiously as he pulled away from Magnus’ grip.

“Hurting yourself?” Magnus supplied equally softly.

Alec nodded, looking down in shame and embarrassment, “Yes.”

“Did something happen today?” Magnus asked worried.

“Not really,” Alec admitted, feeling humiliated by admitting it. It would have been easier if something really bad had happened; it would somehow have made his dark thoughts more ok in his own mind.

“Did you **think** of something specific today?” Magnus tried instead.

Alec shrugged, “Just the usual.”

“The usual?” Magnus questioned.

Alec started to fiddle with Magnus’ buttons on his shirt, looking intensely at them as if they were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“That I am not good enough,” Alec admitted in a small and pained voice.

“Good enough? For me?” Magnus asked surprised and worried, covering Alec’s hand playing with his buttons with his own, stilling it.

“For you, my job….life,” Alec admitted in an agonized tone.

Magnus pulled him close and put a hand on his cheek, making him look at him.

“Darling, you are good enough. You are more than good enough!” Magnus said intensely, his eyes intensely focused on him, employing him to believe him.

“Being with you…at times I can believe it. Yet sometimes…” Alec admitted, blushing, looking away again.

“Sometimes you don’t,” Magnus said softly, sympathy in his voice for his pain.

“Yeah,” Alec admitted quietly. Then he looked at Magnus with a pleading look as he went on, “Please don’t hate me.”

Magnus shook his head and looked horrified at the very idea.

“Darling, I could never hate you,” Magnus quickly assured him, holding both of his hands tightly in his.

Alec sighed in relief and buried his face by Magnus’ shoulder, feeling better when Magnus closed his arms around him. Feeling overwhelmed by emotions unwanted tears started to run down his cheeks and into Magnus’ shirt.

“I am such a burden,” Alec mumbled into Magnus’ shirt with a hint of self- deprication.

“No, darling. No. Not at all,” Magnus told him tenderly and squeezed him tighter.

Alec raised his head again to look at him.

“And now I have ruined your shirt,” Alec sniffed, fighting to stop crying, annoyed with himself.

Magnus just smiled tenderly at him and stroked his cheek affectionately as he told him, “I hated this shirt anyway.”

Alec couldn’t help but smile a bit at that as he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, knowing Magnus was lying and loving him for it.

“You are always there for me,” Alec told him gratefully yet with no small amount of embarrassment that he needed that.

“Why do you look so sad when you say that?” Magnus asked confused.

“It must be so…tiresome,” Alec admitted, his fears and insecurities clear in his statement.

“Not at all!” Magnus said in a strong and certain tone.

“I am….weak,” Alec admitted shamefully.

Magnus shook his head in denial.

“No. You are one of the strongest people I know,” Magnus reassured him.

Alec looked down at his hands, at his wrists and the scars there.

“And ugly,” Alec said in a voice filled with self-hatred as if he hadn’t really heard him.

Magnus shook his head again. He took Alec’s nearest hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the scars on his wrist there, looking him in the eyes as he did so to ensure Alec could see the love and care in his expression.

“You know I love all of you, also your scars,” Magnus told him tenderly as he took his hand down but kept holding it.

“Why do you keep saying that?!” Alec asked angrily, pulling his hand free and looking away in shame and embarrassment.

“Because it is true,” Magnus told him softly, matter of fact, putting a hand on his shoulder to get Alec to turn back to face him.

“You love being my nursemaid?!” Alec asked him heatedly, not believing him.

Magnus smiled disarmingly at him, seeing Alec’s pain behind his anger as clear as day.

“I love being everything to you, also that if and when you need it,” Magnus told him honestly.

“You can’t possibly want such a…weak and clingy boyfriend!” Alec protested but his anger was started to fade in the light of Magnus calm and consistent love.

“Darling, you are neither of those things! Have you forgotten what you have done?” Magnus asked him tenderly.

“What have I done?” Alec asked puzzled.

“You saved your siblings, saved your parabatai, you stood up to your parents, you changed the Shadow World with your love and conviction. You defend Downworlders against repression, you are a beacon of hope and light for other mix race couples and same sex couples like your new friend Andrew and the Warlock who just recently came to town….what's his name? Lorenzo Rey. You **are** the change we, Downworlders, all want to see in Idris and in the Nephilim race in general,” Magnus told him solemnly.

Alec couldn’t help but smile ruefully, his anger gone in the wake of Magnus’ love and care.

Alec put a hand to Magnus’ cheek as he asked in wonder and awe, “How come you are so perfect?”

Magnus smiled happily at seeing Alec’s darkness disappearing. He laid a hand over Alec’s on his cheek as he replied cheekily to lighten the mood, “Just in my nature I guess, darling.”

“I just wish…” Alec admitted, redrawing his hand but taking Magnus’ hand with him so they were holding hands again.

“Wish what?” Magnus prompted.

“Well, you are always there to comfort me and be there for me. I wish…” Alec told him, trying to find the right words.

“What?” Magnus asked when he didn’t continue.

“I want to do the same,” Alec told him.

“You already do, darling,” Magnus assured him.

“What? No,” Alec protested, not seeing how that could possibly be true and yet; Magnus would never lie to him but how could that ever be true?

Magnus nodded before he said tenderly, his voice filled with affection, “Yes. You do. Every day I am not alone, every day I am with you…every day you love me, all of me, my cat eyes and my magic. You love all parts of me. That is an amazing gift I will cherish till the end of time.”

Alec blushed and smiled in happiness at hearing that.

“Thank you,” Alec said heartfelt.

“Always,” Magnus assured him, smiling warmly.

They were silent for a few seconds, sitting in a comfortable silence.

“Aren’t you going to talk to me about…you know?” Alec then asked, his voice filled with hesitation and uncertainty, making a weak hand gesture with his free hand.

“That you considered harming yourself earlier?” Magnus asked him softly.

Alec nodded as he looked away.

“Yes,” he said in a small voice.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asked.

Alec shook his head.

“Not right now. Maybe later,” Alec told him, not ready to talk about his feelings just yet.

“Then later,” Magnus said with a smile, making him see it was ok, he was there for whatever he needed.

“I didn’t do it,” Alec suddenly said, somehow thinking that was important to say.

“I know. I am very proud of you but even if you **had** done it I would understand and I would still love you,” Magnus reassured him, knowing how worried Alec got about these things.

“I hope you know how much I love you. You are everything to me. I would literally die without you,” Alec told him honestly, his voice raw and filled with emotions, too overwhelmed by the truth in those words to look at Magnus as he spoke.

“I love you too and to me you are perfect just the way you are,” Magnus said warmly. “I love you because you have flaws, because you have scars. Just like me. I love you because you are **you**.”

Alec looked at him then and almost forgot to breathe when he saw the look of pure love and affection in Magnus’ eyes.

“I love you for you too,” Alec assured him, his voice soft and husky.

“Your tendency to be so hard on yourself makes you a great leader and a great friend and brother,” Magnus admitted. “However, can we agree that in the future we talk about things and make decisions together instead of you sacrificing yourself in some way or another as if your life and your happiness don’t matter?”

“Magnus…” Alec started to say, unsure he could promise that.

“Can you promise me to try?” Magnus employed, interrupting him, giving him an intense look.

“Ok, I promise to try,” Alec said, not wanting to deny Magnus anything.

“That’s all I ask,” Magnus said with a smile.

“Why did you ask me that?” Alec asked curiously.

“Darling, if the world ends I want to be at your side as it ends. If the world burns I want to watch it burn with you,” Magnus said seriously, heartfelt. “And if you were to die I want to die with you.”

“I…” Alec said, overwhelmed. He wanted to say he didn’t want Magnus to suffer with him if he should suffer; that he would want Magnus to keep going on.

Magnus shook his head and put a finger against Alec’s lips, silencing him.

“Do not deny me this. Please,” Magnus pleaded of him.

Seeing he was serious and how much this meant to him Alec nodded, a lump in his throat.

“I promise,” Alec agreed before he added softly, “If the world ends and the stars die and the whole universe collapse…I wouldn’t mind as long as I was with you.”

Magnus fought to hold back tears of joy as he slowly leaned closer and kissed his angel tenderly, with all of his affection and care, trying to show in that one kiss just how much Alec mattered to him. They sat on the sofa together, wrapped in each other’s arms for a long time, simply enjoying the moment.

Unknown to Magnus his happiness manifested physically and suddenly small red shimmering hearts made from magical red lights rained over them. At first Alec looked surprised and Magnus looked embarrassed but then they both laughed. Alec hugged him close and kissed him affectionately, blown away by this show of love.

While words could lie, Magnus’ subconscious couldn’t and Alec could never have asked for a better proof of the Warlock’s love. Magnus loved him completely and utterly; consciously and unconsciously and Alec knew that together they could overcome everything. There would be bad days still moving forward but with Magnus by his side Alec knew he could get through them all. There was nowhere he would rather want to be than in Magnus’ embrace and there was nowhere Magnus wanted to be more than here, with the angel he loved more than life itself.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed this and this series overall I would love to hear from you. Kudos and feedback means a lot to me and keep me writing.  
> I am considering doing one more story in this series to finish off Malec's love story. Thoughts on that?


End file.
